The problem with being a Vicar is: You’ll never do all that needs to be done. You can never be all things to all people – and people can have such high expectations of what they “need” the Vicar to be for them.
If you throw in a natural insecurity and lack of confidence, it’s a recipe for madness. And don’t get me started on the all-singing, all-dancing Super-Vicar who lives in my head, taunting me.
So I’ve spent a lot of the last year thinking about weakness. Clinging on to the notion, that God puts his treasure in jars of clay. Just maybe, God knows that I am not a super-vicar, he knows that I am weak and easily daunted, that I dither when faced with big decisions.
Does God choose to use me, despite all this? I’d go one further – God chooses to use me, because of my weaknesses. Where I am weak, he is strong.
When I am all-competent and wonderful – I can rely on my own amazing skills. When I am panicked and scared, I rely on God….and my prayers have so much more passion!
When I can do it all myself – everyone else only has to watch and applaud. When I can’t do stuff, I lean on other people, we work as a body and maybe they will flourish because they are needed and valued.
The words? Here they are:
“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”
A Leonard Cohen lyric that has haunted me ever since I first heard it. Is it bad that I have never heard the actual song?